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Struggle/Strength and a little cake!

Thinking Part  knee

It has been almost one year since I have written in my blog. I am ready to get back! However, presently I am limited in my baking abilities because I recently had knee surgery.  Over the years, I had dislocating knees. As a result, I damaged ligaments which created more instability in my knees. The surgery that I had is called a tibial tubercle osteotomy and a medial femoral patellar ligament reconstruction.  I had a two in one deal! The doctor realigns the knee tracking, places two screws in my tibia, takes a part of my hamstring and reconstructs my medial ligament. Yes, it was not pretty. It has been 10 weeks and I have made significant progress. Today was the first time I actually walked on the treadmill, scary and exciting! Through this recent experience I have suffered with pain and discomfort. I had this surgery on my other leg ten years ago. This time it was different as there was more to reconstruct.

I have learned a great deal through this grueling process. I have definitely struggled through it. There were days of pain, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, frustration and even thoughts of regret as to why I had put myself through this. Through the struggles, I am now realizing that my strength (physically and mentally) is right here! With most struggles, there is heart-break. If you are lucky to get through life’s struggles, you can revisit your strength and drive to make things better. It is clear that, struggle is related to strength, in that not only do you need strength to get through it, but that in the process you may realize you have more than you think. By strength I mean the inspiration, motivation, energy and action to move through/with that struggle.

I remember a few weeks ago, I experienced significant anxiety about falling and walking on my crutches. I was so fearful that I was scared to stand up from a chair. I fought with my fear and eventually I had to stay still with it, make peace and accept it. Even though it is not as intense, I continue to have fears about falling or my knee dislocating. I am learning to physically and psychologically maneuver and learn from this fear.

I did come across a video of a man  Arthur Boorman called Never every give up. This video showed his story of not being able to walk without braces for several years and then he transformed  into being able to walk, run and master yoga. It is a wonderful and touching story. His story truly did inspire me because he did fall several times. He got right back up. He said “just because I can’t do it today doesn’t mean I’m not going to be able to do it someday”. He made significant progress because of his tremendous efforts; it was not due to wishful thinking and or hoping!  I too have been working hard. Action is more powerful than any thought or image of wanting something to be a certain way.

There were people who were by my side and took care of me when I needed it the most. I love them for it and am so grateful that I got to realize their love and concern. My mom, age 80 and my dad age 83 along with my husband were the main supporters in all of this. I thank them from the bottom of my heart. I was disappointed by some people in my life who I had expected would be there to offer moral support and or a meal. However, as we all know, people will disappoint you.

Overall, through this ongoing struggle, my strength, ability to challenge myself physically and mentally are reinforced. I will continue to do this daily for the rest of my life. I have made a commitment to continue my strength training as part of my lifestyle. It is a main priority. Prior to the surgery I had been enjoying my exercise routine at Fitness Mogul in my town.  I was so happy when over one year ago, Rachel Schoenstein the owner had decided to open her studio up in our town! She has become pivotal in my strength, health and wellness. I am unable to go to her classes right now but I am working with her through personal training. Her knowledge in training got me fit prior to the surgery and now training with her has been so crucial in gaining back my confidence!  She is the best! In addition I am still in physical therapy.

I  continue to explore the positives of this struggle, as it is not over and I am sure there will be ongoing pain and challenges. It is really fascinating that this surgery could even be performed. Science is AWESOME! I am thankful to my surgeon! There are two quotes which I can’t help but think of that relate to this recent struggle. Here they are…..

“I have concluded through careful, empirical analysis and much thought that somebody is looking out for me. Keeping track of what I think about things, forgiving me when I do less then I ought, giving me strength to shoot for more than I think I am capable of. I believe they know everything that I do and think and they still love me and I’ve concluded after careful consideration that this person keeping score is me.” – Adam Savage

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”- James Neil Hollingworth

Baking Part

Since I am limited in mobility  I slowly made this cake. My mom was going to help me by making the filling. All I did was take a Betty Croker yellow cake mix and follow the directions. I baked the cake in two pans.

betty cake (1)2cakes

My mom was supposed to make a chocolate filling for the cake but oh boy you should have seen this filling, it was not chocolate and there was nothing creamy about it. We gave up on the filling. Then I made Bakerella’s recipe for chocolate ganache which is as follows:

  • ¾ heavy cream
  • ¼ butter
  • ¾ cup semi-sweet chocholate chips.

Heat cream and butter in a saucepan until melted and remove before it starts to boil. Place the chocolate chips in a small bowl and pour cream over them. Let sit for a few seconds and stir until completely incorporated and smooth. Let cool and spread over cake. You can poke holes in the cake and let the ganache run through.

I didn’t know it was going to be so messy. It ran over the dish and then my niece and brother started to make art of it! So funny, but it did tastes like a Picasso!  I was surprised that my family loved it so much. I only have these treats in moderation.Since it had been my birthday recently, I was due for a treat! I hope you enjoyed this post. Try the recipe it will be a crowd pleaser.

ccake eatencakeYUM!

Stay well everyone! Keep active and hold on to your strength!


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